Star Koopas: The Battle for Nothing in Particular
by Yoshiblue4
Summary: A Koopa named Marshall sets off with the Mario Bros. to learn the ways of the force, while Darth Bowser and a few minions travel through space in search of an ancient weapon. Rated T for crude humor, profanity and drug refference. CH4 is up! R&R, please.
1. Marshall the Nobody

Author Note: Hello. I hope you enjoy this story. Please do not judge it by its appearance. This can turn out to be quite funny if you give it a chance. Thanks.

Star Koopas: A Fanfic by TheCanCollecter and Yoshiblue4  
An idea by Yoshiblue4  
Written by TheCanCollecter and Yoshiblue4

Commander: Let's go go go go you guys! We are at war here!

Fox and his team ran down the hall with immense speed. They were about one hundred feet away from the docking bay. They ran in swiftly and hopped into their Arwings and slowly started them up. The air lock door opened quickly and the crisp light from space shot into the Arwing bed. The light bounced off of Fox's sunglasses

Fox: Here we go guys. Like the good old days!

They all lifted their ships and blasted into space

Slippy: All systems are online Fox! The geta-fusers could use some tuning though. But we'll be fine!

Fox: Good! We should be there in about...

Fox stopped his ship. Falco and Slippy did the same

Falco: What's up Fox?

Fox stared at Peppy's ship and watched as it kept doing loops

Fox: Um... Peppy?

Peppy: Do a barrel roll!

Falco: What?

Peppy: Do a barrel roll!

Fox: What the hell is your problem? We are needed!

Peppy: DO A BARREL ROLL!!! DO A BARREL ROLL!!!

Peppy drove his ship back into the great fox and blew himself up

Fox: I really don't know what to say anymore.

Falco: I get his computer!

Slippy: Finally! Now we see what he really was using those condoms for!

The three zoomed off to the Elite Koopa base

A Fanfic…

In awhile …

About stuff going on…

Somewhere in space…

Star Koopas: The Battle for Nothing in Particular

Space. Outer Space. The box. Whatever you want to call it. It is a massively huge, gianourmous place. And gianourmous isn't a real word. And in this really gianourmus place, we all know of a familiar blue planet that we call Frackron, not to far from Earth. The planet Frackron, is slightly bigger than Earth, but has less people persons. You see, unlike Earth, Frackron came up with the idea, of "lubes" before Earth did. But anyways, sometimes people like to get in fights. And with the universes massive space, there just so happens to be a fight in this one little area, which is quite big to us. Now people in general like being respected and such. But sometimes, people disrespect others, therefore making them mad, therefore making them want to hit them on the head with really really really big Atari's. And when a great number of individuals want to hit others on the head with Atari's, it is known as the practice of violence, which is war, well, that's what people call it. Let me tell you about a time when the planet Frackron had such a war that involved three planets...

A long gianourmous time ago,  
in some place pretty damn far away...

STAR KOOPAS

In a time of bad

things going on,

in a land where an

evil ruler named

Darth Bowser

dwells, is a great

war that is disrupting

the balance of the

Gamra System. Well

that's basically it.

_Chapter 1: Marshall the Nobody_

On the planet Frackron, in Darth Bowser's castle

Darth Bowser: It is coming, men! It'll be tonight! We must not fail the war! Plans are set and so forth! You, small Koopa, come here!

Marshall: Me?

Darth Bowser: No, your mother!

Marshall: But my mother is dead.

Darth Bowser: Huh? What?! Get your butt over here!

Marshall: But then the rest of my body would have to come with it. Unless someone cut my butt off...

Storm Koopa 1: Oh Lord, here we go again.

Darth Bowser: Listen, you! I want you in front of me now!!!!

Marshall ran over to Darth Bowser

Marshall: Yes, my lord?

Darth Bowser: I am no lord. I am Darth! Call me Darth darn it! What the hell is your problem? How many times have I told you to call me "Darth" and not lord?!

Marshall: This is the only time you've ever brought it up.

Darth Bowser: ... Okay listen, you! I am so sick of your kiddy nonsense...

Two hours later

Darth Bowser: And then my mom was all like, you better blah blah blah up, or you will never get anywhere on the streets.. Now go away man!

Marshall: But why did you call me?

Darth Bowser: I forgot. Now beat it!

The other Koopas mocked him as the poor one eyed Koopa walked down the great hall

Storm Koopa 2: You'll never be good for anything.

Storm Koopa: Yeah ya one eyed creep.

Storm Koopa 3: Sony sucks!

Storm Koopa: What's a So.. Sony?

Storm Koopa 3: I don't know. Some guy from Earth told me to say it when I was visiting.

The poor one eyed Koopa walked down the hall and ran out the door

Darth Bowser: You guys are harsh

Storm Koopa 4: So are you.

Darth Bowser: Oh please, I am not harsh...

Lenny: Hey guys... life sucks.

Darth Bowser: HEY LOOK HERE COMES LENNY WHO JUST GOT DUMPED!!! LOOSER!

Meanwhile at Mario and Luigi's house (On Frackron)

Mario: I'm bored.

Luigi: Me too.

Mario: I would say "I'm bored" again, but that would take more effort.

Luigi: But it just took more effort to say what you said now!

Mario: What?

Luigi: You are very hopeless. I'm going to go outside for a bit.

Suddenly the phone rang

Mario: I'LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL GET IT!!!!!!!

Mario jumped up from his chair and spun to the phone and flipped to his feet

Mario: Hello! It's a me Mario!

Goomba: Wait this ain't Pete the pizza maker?

Mario: Screw him! I could make twice the pizza he could.

Goomba: Well, all right fine can you make one with cheese?

Mario: What?

Goomba: Cheese, man, cheese!

Mario: Oh that is just sad. ALL PIZZAS HAVE CHEESE, DUMB ASS!

Goomba: Excuse me?

Mario: I don't need this!

Mario slammed the phone down and crossed his arms. He picked up the phone again

Mario: And another thing...

Luigi suddenly came in

Luigi: Mario, he's gone.

Mario: He had better be!

Luigi: We're gonna go see that new movie that just came out. The one where...

The phone suddenly rang again

Mario: Hold on. Hello?

President of Frackron: Mario Bros, we are at war! We need your help immensely quick! Come to the Elite Koopa Base as soon as you can!

Mario: We're at war? Why does nobody ever tell me these things?

Luigi: We've been at war for two months bro. And I did tell you!

Mario: Oh yeah! Sure Mr. Pres!!! We will help you out!

President: Please don't call me that.

Mario: Yes ma'am! Uh, sir!

Mario hung up the phone

Mario: To the Elite Koopa Base!

Meanwhile at the Elite Koopa Base

Koopa General: Okay troops. We fly into Darth Bowser's castle tonight, and try to take him hostage! Remember, he needs to go on trial at all costs for intense questioning.. And we should try to get them magazines if you know what I mean.

The Elite Koopa base was far out in the middle of no where. It was blue and very big with a picture of waffles as it logo on it. Please don't ask why

Koopa General: Now, I just got a call from the Pres!

Koopa Janitor: Why does everyone call him that?

Koopa General: The Mario Bros. and the Starfox team are on their way. We need all the help we can get! I hear that Darth Bowser's castle has very high security!

Meanwhile at Darth Bowser's Castle

Darth Bowser: They are coming! Get the water balloons ready!

Storm Koopa: Um sir... Do you really think that...

Darth Bowser: JUST DO IT!

Meanwhile in the lobby of Darth's Bowser's castle

Marshall: I'm no good. I suck at everything. I can't even fly. Oh wait, I don't have wings. All because of my one eye though, my peripheral vision sucks. And I'm sick of people making fun of me. I never did anything to them!

Koopa Door Man: Hey, instead of complaining, why not just come and use the door.

Marshall: That's it! I will leave.

Marshall got up and ran out the door and out to the great big field

Koopa Door Man: I never get tips...

Marshall: I'm my own man. I don't care if I signed a life long contract to work for Darth Bowser. I'm going to make a difference like my mom said. Actually my math teacher told me that. But where to begin?

Marshall looked back and the castle was further away

Marshall: I just don't know where to go. I guess I follow my heart. My math teacher also told me that.

The small Koopa walked out of the dark land

Mario: So how do we get there again?

Luigi: We go down that one road by the old bar.

Mario: Oh right. So what the heck are we at war for this time?

Luigi: Well I heard that... Wait, I'm not really sure, bro.

Mario: Oh well. Let's just do our part and get it over with.

Luigi: Let's go bro!

Mario: But we are going.

Meanwhile at Darth Bowser's Castle

Kamek: They will be here in one hour my Darth!

Darth Bowser: Very good. Get the troops on the front lines and get the Koopa Klown Kars ready!

Suddenly the mail man came running in

Mail Man: My Darth! A package for you! And these two letters.

Darth Bowser: Thanks mail dude!

The mail man stood there silently

Darth Bowser: What are you waiting for? A tip?

Mail Man: Well uh, actually, yes!

Darth Bowser: Brush twice a day.

Mail Man: What?

Darth Bowser: Beat it!

Mail Man: Yes, my Darth.

Darth Bowser: Lousy humans.

Darth Bowser put the rather heavy package down next to his throne

Darth Bowser: Now lets check out these letters first.

He opened the letter from his girlfriend first

Martha: I am breaking up with you! I hate you and your selfish attitude you bastard! I HOPE YOU DIE!

Darth Bowser: WHAT?! Well same to you Koopa-woman!

Darth Bowser took a pen from his throne and wrote on another piece of paper

_YEAH, WELL I HOPE YOU DIE TO BITCH!  
AND DID I EVER TELL YOU THAT  
YOU SUCK AT ORAL ANYWAYS?  
AND YOU ARE A FAT  
STINKY PIECE OF LARD BARF,  
AND DESERVE TO BURN IN HELL!_

Darth Bowser: I'm glad I got that out!

He then opened the letter from his mom

Darth Bowser's Mom: Hi honey it's me! I hope that all of your battles go well. I send you my best wishes and I hope for the best future for you. XOXO from your mommy! PS Pussy died last night

Darth Bowser: Aw how sweet. They do care about me! PUSSY DIED?!? I am gonna miss that cat.

Darth Bowser wrote on a separate piece of paper

_Aw I love you to! Good luck at home.  
And I really am going to miss that cute little Pussy.  
Oh well. Take care and XOXO to you!_

He hurried up to prepare for the invasion that was coming. He also got the address's mixed up on the envelopes

Darth Bowser: Hey some random Koopa come mail these for me!

Storm Koopa: Yes, my Darth!

Kamek: Do you think we are really going to prevail tonight, my Darth? I hear this time they have a better plan to overthrow you. I know we beat them last time, but...

Darth Bowser: Stop believing the crap you hear! We've never lost Kamek! And we never won't will!

Kamek: You just made a double negative. So does that mean that we aren't going to win.

Darth Bowser: Shut up and go ready the troops!

Kamek: Yes, my Darth.

Meanwhile at the Goomba Bar

Mario: Let's get a drink real quick, Luigi!

Luigi: Oh no. You know what happened last time, bro...

Mario: Well it won't happen this time!

Three Ambulances later

Luigi: You just had to go for the gallon of moonshine contest didn't you?

Mario: But it was free. And I won!

Luigi: Yeah, and you also over intoxicated yourself bro. And now we are gonna be late.

Mario: You mean late to our death? Yo yeah, and the ass hat is... MOCK!

Mario fell asleep

Luigi: Oh boy...

Meanwhile in the middle of a cloudy desert like nowhere

Marshall: Now that I think about it, where do I go from here? Maybe I should go get a job! I will work at the Koopa Elite Force Base! I don't know where it is, but maybe someone can help me!

Marshall kept walking straight

Meanwhile at Darth Bowser's Castle

Ludwig: We were searching in the Restricted Library, dad!!!!

Kamek: You bad kids! You're not old enough to...

Ludwig: Shut up, Kamek. No one likes you!

Kamek: Yeah whatever ya stupid brat...

Darth Bowser: What were you saying, son?

Ludwig: Iggy and I found out about _The Weapon of Time_.

Iggy: Here's the book, Darth dad!

Iggy gave the book to Darth Bowser

Darth Bowser read through the many pages

Darth Bowser: So, I am supposed to go to space, go to the Planet Uranus and grab... a gun.

Iggy: Yeah. Pretty much.

Darth Bowser: Not a bad idea! But where ever might this planet be? I've never heard of it!

Kamek: And besides, we have a war coming here!

Darth Bowser: Now Kamek. I'm aware of that. But with this new tool, I could be the ultimate ruler, according to the book!

Ludwig: Keep reading.

Darth Bowser read a little bit more

Darth Bowser: OK with me... kind of. I am not so sure if traveling halfway through the Solar System just to defeat Mario is a good idea, however.

Kamek: That's absurd, my Darth! We could just kill him ourselves!

Ludwig: Kamek, you're just jealous that I discovered this before you did!

Kamek: Listen, punk, I knew about the Weapon of Time before you were born!

Ludwig: Did you ride dinosaurs as well?

Kamek: Why you impudent little...!

Darth Bowser: THAT'S IT I HAVE HAD IT! WHY ARE MY WAFFLES NOT DONE YET?!

Koopa Chef: Sorry, my Darth! Here you go!

Darth Bowser: Excellent! Now what were we talking about here?

Iggy: We were talking about the Weapon of Time, dad!

Ludwig: It's worth it! It can beat anyone else who tries to stop you to! You couldn't just rule the Mushroom Kingdom... you could rule Frackron!

Darth Bowser: I like this. I do! But we do have a war at hand here!

Ludwig: We'll just finish tonights battle, and then we can go for it dad!

Darth Bowser: Luckily, ships in the Mushroom Kingdom don't suck like the rest of the planets' ships, so we can travel to Uranus in no time! Wherever it may be.

Ludwig: Can I come?

Darth Bowser: No! You're in charge while I am gone!

Ludwig: Why me?

Darth Bowser: You're my first son.

Ludwig: What about Jr?

Darth Bowser: Youngest.

Ludwig: YIPPE! HOME ALONE!

Darth Bowser: Wait. I just remembered, you're not the oldest. That other guy was. I guess you're coming.

Ludwig: What?

Through all of the excitement, a thud was heard on the roof of the castle

Darth Bowser: So it begins. You two boys go somewhere safe!

Kamek: The troops are ready, my Darth. I put the hammer brothers in the back line like you requested!

Darth Bowser: Oh crap...

Kamek: What is it my Darth?

Darth Bowser: I meant to say the front line.

Right outside the castle

Koopa General: Here they are!

The Elite Koopa's were dropping Atari's down on the castle and the troops

Koopa General: Shields!

The Atari's slammed down onto the shields knocking a few down

Koopa General: Fire the water balloons!

Storm Koopa: You want us to set them on fire?

Koopa General: WHAT?! No you, dumb ass! Shoot them!

Storm Koopa1: Your the boss! You heard him boys!

All of the Hammer Bros. Threw their hammers at the water balloons

Koopa General: What are you doing?!

Storm Koopa: We shot the balloons like you asked, sir!

Koopa General: YOU IDIOTS! YOU GUYS ARE AS DUMB AS TURTLES!!!

Storm Koopa 2: Ha-ha we are turtles!

Yoshi: Uh... yeah turtles... right.

The Yoshi slowly backed away. An then an Atari hit the General in the head killing him

Storm Koopa2: Get me outta here!

Meanwhile inside the castle

Darth Bowser: Don't worry, Kamek. I stayed up all night planning for this war. We can't loose. Especially with our bad ass army!

The door slammed open and all of the Koopas came running in

Storm Koopa1: We can't win!

Storm Koopa3: They called me fat. That hurt my feelings.

Darth Bowser made a plain face as the front door shut after all of his troops piled in

Kamek: Now what?

Darth Bowser: Okay we're out of here! We'll sneak out the back way.

Ludwig: There is no back way!

Darth Bowser: Darn it, I hate this castle. Okay, Kamek, get Kammy and Kammo! You're coming!

Kamek: Those two hags?

Kammy: I'm right behind you, stupid. And Kammo is dead, remember?

Kamek: Damn.

Darth Bowser: Let's get out of here!

Darth Bowser, Kamek, Kammy, Ludwig and Iggy ran to the front door and ran outside

Iggy: Now what?

Air Koopa: There he is! GET HIM!!!!

Darth Bowser: To the underground cave!

The five ran as fast as they could just as Fox, Falco and Slippy shot lasers at them

Fox: Almost hit him!

They barley made it to the hole in the ground and jumped in. Except for Iggy who just stood there

Iggy: Duh, where'd ya go guys?

Iggy was hit with a laser and was blown into space

Darth Bowser: Quick, set the warp thing to the MK!

Ludwig: I forgot how you work this machine!

Kamek: Like this noob!

Kamek pushed a few buttons and they warped to the Mushroom Kingdom. The Elite Koopa's raided the castle

Darth Bowser: We're here! To the ship port dock bay like thing!!!

Meanwhile at the hospital. Mario lied in his bed

Mario: Brother, come closer. I'm dieing!

Luigi got a bit closer to Mario

Mario: Closer

Luigi got a bit closer to Mario

Mario: Closer.

Luigi got a bit closer to Mario

Mario: Closer.

Luigi got a bit closer to Mario

Mario: Closer.

Luigi got a bit closer to Mario

Mario: Closer.

Luigi got a bit closer to Mario

Mario: Okay that's good.

Luigi: Oh Mario! Say it ain't so! Just say it ain't so!!!

Mario: Put me out of my pain brother.

Luigi: No, Mario! I could never kill you!

A tear came to Luigi's eyes

Mario: Then how about a foot rub?

Luigi: Okay, I'd rather kill you.

Mario: HOLD UP!

Mario jumped out of his bed and landed on the floor

Mario: I'm better! Let's blow this joint.

Mario and Luigi left the hospital

Mario: So now what.

Luigi: Well, we were wanted last night, but I'm guessing they don't need us anymore.

Mario: Oh, that's right. Well, we do tend to be lazy sometimes.

Luigi: More like all the time...

Mario: Let's go anyways. They always have free donuts in the lobby!

Luigi: You the man bro!

When the two got outside, a gang of Lakitu's surrounded them

Lakitu Leader: Listen you twos, yous better gives us wut we need dog.

Lakitu Co Leader: Yeah ya hags!

Luigi: Well what do you guys need?

Lakitu Leader: We needs directions to da hospital. I'm pretty sure it's not good for your health to impale your head with a railroad spike.

Mario: It's right here! In front of you! You better get in fast... yo.

Lakitu Leader: Thanks homies!

Mario: Okay, let's go!

Mario and Luigi skipped down the sidewalk and everyone tried not to look

Marshall was now getting near the edge of the city

Marshall: Maybe that human can help me!

Marshall ran up to the fat guy on the bench and saw that he was sleeping

Marshall: Excuse me sir, could you help me out?

The man started to wake up

Fat Man: Go to hell you little mutant!

He got up and walked away as he scratched his butt

Marshall: How rude.

Marshall continued on down the road into the big city

Meanwhile in the Mushroom Kingdom

Darth Bowser: Well, here we are! Now does anyone remember where the space-port is? And also that adult shop?

Ludwig: Wait a sec. Where's Iggy? Oh my God he was left behind! He could be dead!!!

Darth Bowser: NO WAY! Look over there! Forty percent off of bed mattresses!

Darth Bowser ran over to the small bed shop

Kamek: He's hopeless. We didn't even bring supplies. Well, we were kind of in a hurry. But who knows what's become of our poor Troops at the castle.

Meanwhile at the castle

Elite Koopa General: Well check out miss April. She's like the hottest Koopa alive.

Storm Koopa1: Yeah, well Miss Spring has bigger boobs man!

Storm Koopa2: Hey guys! Check out these naked pics I found of the College Koopa's!

Back at the MK

Kamek: And besides! I never wanted to be his bloody Adviser anyways. I wanted to be a dental...

Ludwig: Yeah yeah boohoo to you.

Kammy: All of you stop your wailing. As soon as Darth Bowser comes back, we can get on with our sad little lives.

Darth Bowser: Stupid hidden fees. Come on let's go you guys.

The five, uh four made their was for the docking bay

Marshall: I'M LOST!

Mario and Luigi happened to come across Marshall at the edge of town. They stopped skipping and looked at him

Mario: Hey little Koopa, are you sad?

Luigi: No, Mario, that's puss coming from his eye.

Mario: Don't be a smart ass.

Marshall: Actually, it is. Wait a minute, you guys don't thing I'm ugly because I have one eye?

Luigi: Kid in a place were mushrooms make you grow, turtles talk and fly, and where the Birdos are all transsexuals, it can't get any uglier.

Marshall: You mean that?

Mario: Of course not! You're friggen ugly!

Mario and Luigi started laughing

Marshall: WHAT?!

Luigi: HAHA!!! We're just fooling with you.

Mario: We were?

Luigi: So kid, where do you live?

Marshall: Well I'm not really from anywhere...

The three walked down the road to the Elite Koopa Base as they got into a conversation


	2. The Ways of the Force

Chapter Two: _The Ways of the Force_

In the lobby of the Elite Koopa Base…

Koopa Captain: Of course we have a problem, president. I'm aware of that! Not only did Darth Bowser escape, but my troops haven't shown up or made any contact since last night! Oh, and the Mario Brothers never showed either. Yes, I'll do it right away.

The Koopa Captain slammed down the phone

Koopa Captain: Carl! Take a search party down to the war site! We must clear this up!

Meanwhile at the Mushroom Kingdom. Darth Bowser, Ludwig, Kamek, and Kammy entered the docking bay

Bowser: Alright…wait. Where's the ships?

Manager: Sold out.

Bowser: What about that one taking off?

Manager: It was just sold.

Kamek: I'll get it, my Darth!

Kamek grabbed his wand and shot some shapes at the ship

Ludwig: Hurry up ya little kid who plays with shapes!

Kamek: Respect your elders, little boy!

Kammy: You two are both little two year old boys! Now shut up!

Darth Bowser: ALL OF YOU SHUT UP.

The ship fell back down onto the docking bay as magic overtook it. Kamek then fired more shapes at it and the pilot and passengers shot out of it

Darth Bowser: How much is it?

Manager: It's about..

Darth Bowser: Forget the price! I'm not paying for it!

Darth Bowser got out his light saber and sliced off the Manager's head

Darth Bowser: Let's get on!

The four got on

Darth Bowser: Kamek, could you be a pilot?

Kamek: Whatever.

Kamek took a seat in the pilot's seat and launched the spaceship into space

Ludwig: Darn it! Put me down! Put me down!

Kamek: You should have put your seatbelt on, brat. I'm not turning on the gravity-producer! I don't even know where it is.

Darth Bowser: Don't yell at my kid!

Darth Bowser ripped off his seat belt and floated over to Kamek

Kamek: What are you..

Darth Bowser slapped him

Kamek: Ow. Fine, fine.

Kamek turned on the gravity-producer as Ludwig and Darth Bowser fell down

Kammy: Kamek can't get along with anyone. I'll fly this myself.

Kammy pushed Kamek out of the pilot's seat and took control. Darth Bowser pushed a button and a galaxy map was printed out of a printer

Darth Bowser: Cool. The Solar System is close by.

Kamek: Now, we just wait.

Two Hours Later

Kamek: This is getting boring. Why can't we just go into hyper space?

Kammy: This ship doesn't have that feature you twit. We must be patient.

Suddenly, Iggy Koopa went flying past the ship

Darth Bowser's mouth dropped in shock and fright.

Meanwhile on Frackon

Mario: And that's why farting or pouring gas on your fireballs is bad.

Luigi: Real bad.

Mario: Damn bad.

Luigi: Friggen bad.

Mario: Jigga jigga bad.

Luigi: No man, just no.

Marshall: Wow that's interesting. But how did you two get this power?

Mario and Luigi stopped walking. They were now practically in the middle of nowhere. A flat cracked desert ground, with the pink sunset and a few clouds

Mario: The, way of the force, can not be taught to just anyone.

Marshall: The force?

Mario: Yes the force. It is when...

Luigi: Mario! We shouldn't tell him this!

Mario: Oh come on Luigi. Tell you what kid, we'll take you back to our place, and maybe we'll tell you more about this force.

Marshall: I'm not sure if I should come.

Mario: Nonsense. Besides, we have a mini bar. Now where is home?

Luigi: 28 miles away.

Mario: DAMN!

Meanwhile at Frackron's Moon

Tatanga, an old enemy of Mario's, sits in his throne inside the moon

Tatanga: Well, I'm done packing my suitcases but I feel like I'm forgetting something. Oh well.

Robon, Tatanga's head-robot came before him

Robon: All troops have boarded the Big T, sir. And I also suggest that we pick a non-lousy name.

Tatanga: Screw you! The Big T is an super-cool name!

Robon: Very well. Let's go, sir.

Tatanga: All right!

Tatanga and Robon boarded the Big T and left the moon

Tatanga: Darn it! I just remembered what I forgot! I forgot to bring my "How to eat your humans!" book!

Robon: You are a cannibal?

Tatanga: You haven't figured that out already? What, did you think I ordered the chef droids to cook Koopa Dish for nothing?

Robon: I was under the impression that it was named that because it was named after the species that invented it!

Tatanga: Koopa Dish was from real, living Koopas. Except we sliced their heads off before we cooked them.

Robon vomited up some oil.

Tatanga: Oil? You don't even need food. You are a robot!

Robon: You are the one who inserted those tanks.

Tatanga was splashes with more vomited oil as he pushed an intercom button.

Tatanga: Medical drones at the bridge!

Back with Darth Bowser and company

Darth Bowser: Okay. So what's the name of this ship?

Kammy: I think it's called "Rental Spaceship #92". Says it here on the wall.

Darth Bowser: I bought this, I didn't rent it!

Kammy: Um… we kinda stole it.

Darth Bowser: Oh.

Kamek: I'm more worried of what's become of our home.

Darth Bowser: Oh I'm sure our troops figured it out.

At the castle

Storm Koopa1: DAMN I'M STONED!!

Strom Koopa2: FRAZZY!!

Meanwhile, in the Big T

Robon: Where exactly are we going, sir?

Tatanga: We're heading to Uranus in the Solar System. We are going to get the Weapon of Time. Then I can take over Frackron and marry Princess Daisy. Or whatever it said in the script.

Robon: Script?

Tatanga: Never mind.

Back in the Rental Ship

Kammy: Oh crap. There appears to be an asteroid belt between the Solar System and the Gamra System.

Darth Bowser: Okay?

Kammy flew the ship around, dodging the asteroids

Kamek: Learn how to fly you hag!

Kammy: Can it Kamek.

Ludwig: I have invented a potion that should make the asteroids repel from us!

Kamek: Hurry up with it! We haven't got all day!

Ludwig: Right.

Ludwig poured the potion inside the ship's fuel tank. The asteroids started to follow them

Darth Bowser: Wait a minute. What the hell? How does a potion work for a ship? FTW

Ludwig: I'm just smart like that. Trust me dad!

Kammy: Darn it! Now they've locked onto us! Stupid kid!

Darth Bowser: Watch out you crusty hag! You're going to get us killed!

Kammy: Watch your mouth or I might just wreck us into an asteroid!

Darth Bowser: You try that and you can say goodbye to your old head!

Kamek: Will you two stop arguing? We can't seem to go for one second before somebody starts arguing!

Kammy: Stay out of this! No one likes you! Your not special!

Tears were suddenly present in Kamek's eyes.

Kammy: They're gaining on us! If your brat doesn't come up with a repellent soon, we're going to be Koopa pancakes!

Darth Bowser: Huh?

Kammy: They'll smash us, won't they?

Darth Bowser: I like pancakes!

Kammy: I didn't want to die this way! Hurry up with that repellent, brat!

Ludwig: I didn't know I had to make it! Alright, then. Does anyone have spare ketchup? That's the main ingredient.

Kamek: Uh, sure.

Kamek handed Ludwig the ketchup bottle from the fridge and Ludwig started on the repellent. The asteroids followed close behind. They were the size of house and bigger. Some as big as a moon. It was only minuets later when the asteroids were an inch from destroying the ship

Kammy: Hurry up!

Kamek: I think I'm going to be sick.

Kamek vomited in the floor

Darth Bowser: So you did eat my pie! Ludwig, hurry up. I want to live this!

Ludwig: It's done!

Ludwig poured the greenish repellent into the fuel tank and the asteroids stopped following the ship

Kammy: The ship is saved!

Out of no where, a big asteroid floated up and the ship crashed into it

Meanwhile on Frackron

Mario: Well, kid, here we are!

Luigi: Home sweet home, I guess.

Mario: Well, it ain't much, but it's a dwelling.

Luigi: Make yourself at home. And by that I mean make a mess. PLEASE!

Marshall: I really appreciate you guys letting me stay for awhile.

Mario: Stay?

Luigi: Mario, why don't you tell our little friend the way of the force.

Mario: Right right. You see bitch, I mean Marshall, Luigi and I got our special power through the way of the force. It is a very powerful, uh force and can come off as extremely useful in tight situations.

Luigi: To cut to the chase kid, we got our abilities, by using the force. And to do use the force, one must, force something to happen.

Marshall: Huh? I don't understand.

Mario: TV TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mario jumped to the television

Luigi: Like that there. He used force to jump that high.

An awkward silence filled the foray

Marshall: Are you serious?

Luigi: Yep. Mario and I, have learned to force out the things that we want. Well to a point anyways.

Luigi then jumped to the living room to watch TV. Marshall was dumbfounded. Had he been taken in by two friendly gentleman, or two idiots on crack of shrooms

Marshall: Wait a minute. Just wait a minute! Are you two for real?

Mario examined his hands

Mario: I hope so.

Luigi: I know so. Look kid, I know what you're thinking. Two laid back guys, who out of nowhere bring you in, and then show you something that doesn't make any sense at all. It's disturbing am I right?

Marshall: Actually I was thinking of an old toy of mine. But yes, please tell me about this force!

Mario: Well, Luigi we could sure use a challenge. Want to do it?

Luigi: Why not.

Marshall: Why not what?!

Luigi: We'll teach you the ways of the force kid. Right after Dingus and Asshead.

A confused Marshall sat on the couch with them

Mario: I farted.

All is dark with Darth Bowser and company

Darth Bowser: How long have we been in this damn tunnel?

Kammy: Not sure my Darth. There's not enough room to turn around though. And…we're about to crash into a wall!

They all screamed as Kammy quickly dove the ship into another path

Darth Bowser: Phew. I'm just glad we didn't ever crash.

Kamek: What's that place over there?

Kamek pointed to a docking bay

Darth Bowser: I dunno. Let's go check it out.

They landed the ship at the docking bay that was inside the asteroid

Kamek: Dark it is.

Kamek lit up his wand

Manager: That'll be...

Darth Bowser pulled out his light saber and sliced of the head of the manager

Darth Bowser: What a strange place. I'm scared. Hold me, Kamek!

Kamek: No.

The four headed outside the docking bay into some dark ally that had a lot of clubs, bars, 1-star restaurants and other related buildings

Ludwig: I do believe we've stumbled onto something.

Darth Bowser: We should be more careful.

Ludwig: A dwelling within and asteroid.

Kamek: You just now figured that out, dumb ass?

Darth Bowser: Come on, maybe we can get directions here.

The four began to walk down an alley.


	3. A Jedi in Training

**Chapter 3, _A Jedi in Training_**

An explosion is heard back at the Docking Place. The four ran out of the pub.

Kammy: Crap! Somebody bombed our ship!

Darth Bowser: Everyone, look for the bomber! And hurry up!

The four looked around to see who might have bombed the ship

Ludwig: They must have left.

Darth Bowser: This Giant Asteroid world is creepy.

The four headed outside.

Meanwhile at Mario and Luigi's house...

Mario: Okay kid. Let's step outside shall we?

Marshall, confused, joined the brothers outside in their front yard.

Luigi: Okay kid. We're going to show you the ways of the force, and how to become, a Jedi!

Marshall: A Jedi?! I may have heard this name before.

Mario: Who cares if ya did? You are in our hands now! You'll do fine!

Luigi: And the fact that we're going to train you, will get us bonus points with the council... Oh that reminds me, Mario, I think we're suppose to consult them before training anyone.

Mario: Oh screw them!

Luigi: Now Mario, it's not the Jedi way. Come on kid, we're going to go for a ride.

Mario: Oh brother.

Mario took off his red hat and scratched his head. They made their way for the car.

Luigi: Now if I remember correctly, the super top secret Jedi Council meeting place area, is right over the Danga mountains.

Mario: You know it is.

Luigi started the small hover car, and pulled out of the driveway. Perhaps you should all know, Frackon looks pretty much like earth, has houses like Earth, but better means of transportation. In other words, civilization is like Earth's just with more advanced vehicles.

Mario: Go through Mc Moron Burgers!

Luigi: No Mario. We're on a quest here! So kid, tell us more about your self. How old are you? Where you from? Do you like beer?

Mario: You ever been laid?

Marshall: Laid?

Mario: You know. Hanky panky, get jiggy with it!

Marshall: I don't understand...

Luigi: Never mind any of it. Look, we're on top of the mountain.

Mario: Look, I can see the meeting place.

Luigi drove down a grassy road to small dingy trailer.

Mario: Hey Luigi, looks like they painted the old bucket.

Luigi parked the car and they made their way for the door.

Luigi: Okay, in here, we pretend to show respect for these two. You will address the short one as Toada, and the tall one as WaWindu.

Mario: Luigi, we almost forgot the our robes.

Mario through a Luigi sized brown rope at Luigi.

Luigi: I still say their dresses.

The two put their hoods down and knocked on the door. WaWindu opened the door and was clearly high. Smoke rolled out of his hood.

WaWindu: HEY MAN! It's the Mario Brothers my homey dogs!

Luigi: Yes, it's nice to see you to Master WaWindu.

Mario: Enough jibba jabba we brought someone!

The three came into the trailer and closed the door behind them. It was decorated to the likes of a hippie.

Toada: Hmmm, another you have brought with you!

The small old green Toad got off the bean bag and greeted them.

Luigi: This is Marshall. He was rejected and wants to be a Jedi!

Marshall: Well I... I'm not so sure.

Mario: Oh nonsense. You'll love it!

Luigi: So can we train him? Just say yes.

WaWindu: Well, I suppose. I mean, dude I'm high. I gotta sit down man.

Toada: No harm I see.. After all of the other Jedi's left, more we could. What know does he?

Luigi: Kid, what do you know?

Marshall: Not much at all. Just the force thing that you guys showed me.

Mario: Can you saber fight?

Marshall: Huh?

Toada: Train him you can. In a month, results show us!

Luigi: You heat that kid, you're going to be a Jedi!

Mario: You'll get to use a light saber, the force, play mind tricks, and best of all, PILOT SPACE SHIPS!!

The word Space Ships echoed in Marshall's head.

Marshall: You mean, you guys will teach me how to fly?!!

WaWindu: Oh of course man. When you a Jedi, you haffa work for the army and crap.

Marshall: THIS IS AWESOME! I'm so glad you two could do this for me!

Luigi: We must've sparked something in him!

Marshall: I'm ready for the training!

Toada: You three go now. Luck I wish on young Marshall. Also, a word not, on Darth Bower's whereabouts.

Mario: We'll keep an eye out.

Marshall: Huh?

Mario: Dammit!

Toada: May the force be with you!

They all slammed fists and then grabbed their light sabers and held them out as they glowed

Marshall: WHOA!

Luigi's was green, Toada's was green as well, but shorter. WaWindu's was rainbow colored and Mario's' was pink.

Luigi: Brother, you need to get that fixed.

Mario: Get what fixed?

The three left for home.

Marshall: What were those things?

Luigi: Those were light sabers.

Mario: Gotta love em. They cut through anything.

Marshall: Even other light sabers?

Luigi: STFU!

Marshall: Huh?

Luigi drove the car back up the mountain. Toada shut the trailer door.

WaWindu: WA MAN! Try some crack! It's the real thing!

Toada: Bother me you do.

Back at the Mario's Bros home...

Luigi: Okay kid, we're ready to begin your training.

The Brothers took off theirs robes and flung in the car.

Luigi: Okay, you are in our hands now!

Mario: Kid, prepare for intense training.

Marshall: I'm ready!


	4. Darth Bowser's Secret Army

**Chapter 4, _Darth Bowser's Secret Army_**

Inside a small house in the asteroid...

Skinny Little Kid Toad: I hope one day my parents will notice me and give me something good to eat.

Mother: Come eat your frigging supper!

Skinny Little Kid Toad: Well, I hope I get something more than a small chicken crust crumb. I wonder if I can say that ten times fast.

The skinny kid kept saying Chicken Crumb Crust faster each time as he entered the dining room

Skinny Little Kid Toad: Yum! Its a plate filled with chicken!

The kid ran over to it to be stopped by his mother

Mother: Thats for your brother, brat. You get this.

The mother gave him a chicken crumb

After the kid ate it and waited for the others to finish, it was dessert time

Mother: Ive fixed some pudding for everyone...

Everyone, including the little kid, ran over

Mother: Except you brat! You get some liver and spinach for dessert!

Skinny Little Kid Toad: There's no hope.

Suddenly, the door was busted open by the most feared person in the Gamra System. The smart kid ran and hid in the closet before he was seen

Mother: What do you want?!?!

Darth Bowser: I'm looking for a star ship of any sort. Know where I can find one?

Mother: NO! I dont care either! Get out of my house you fat hog and go look for one elsewhere.

Darth Bowser: That is not wise.

Darth Bowser stabbed the woman and set the house on fire with his fire breath. The Skinny Little Kid Toad quickly entered the secret passage in the closet. Life was about to get better for him

Skinny Little Kid Toad: Im glad I spied on the family or I would have never known this! They treated me so horrible.

Darth Bowser ran around, killing the family

Darth Bowser: Brother? Check. Sister? Check. Mother? Check. Father? Check. What might be a dog? Check. My work here is done. Unless the family treated a kid horribly.

Darth Bowser looked at some surviving pictures on the walls

Darth Bowser: I'm sure they'd have at least ONE family picture with an abused kid. Guess that means they're all dead.

The little kid toad entered the Dining Room.

Darth Bowser: Crap! Your family must have been horrible!

Skinny Little Kid Toad: Yeah.

Darth Bowser: Well, I'll let you live. Want to come with me on a Space Adventure?

Kamek: My Darth, what the hell are you doing? We're trying to go somewhere, not pick up strangers.

Darth Bowser: Oh lighten up Kamek. He's friendly see.

Skinny Little Kid Toad: Sure, I need to get out of this place.

Darth Bowser: We better go. Whats your name stupid?

John: Um.. John.

Darth Bowser: Welcome!

Darth Bowser: John, do you know where we can buy ships? Some guy blew ours up.

John: There's a place where you gamble. All of the losers who lost their money gambling started bombing peoples ships.

Darth Bowser: I want to find out who bombed mine.

John: It could be anyone.

Darth Bowser: Well, where do people gamble?

John: At the casino.

Darth Bowser: Alright. Let's go.

John: Wait! If your ship is still there, I can repair it!

Darth Bowser: Okay.

The six headed to the docking bay.

Darth Bowser: Look! There's ours!

Their ship was getting picked up by a large crane.

Darth Bowser: Wait! That's ours! Put it down!

Crane Operators: No one cares. Once something is bombed, it's gone. Your ship is going into the incinerator.

Darth Bowser: We'll see about that. Kamek! Kammy! Fly up their and stop those operators. Ludwig, it's time to test your abilities! Once I'm dead, your going to have to be the new Darth! So hurry up and stop the crane.

Ludwig: Okay!

But where to start, he thought.

Darth Bowser: Why not try finding another entrance to the incinerator? Duh.

Ludwig: You can read minds?

Darth Bowser: No, I just made a good guess. What are you waiting for? Save the ship!

Ludwig entered some random hall and, then a restricted room.

Guard: You're not allowed here.

Ludwig pushed him aside

Guard on Walkie Talkie: Everyone! A criminal has just ran into the restricted area! Very aggressive! He'll push! Has weird blue hair, should be easy to spot!

Other Guards were running into the restricted area, with blasters. Ludwig reached a big door with "Incinerator "written on it

Ludwig: Now how do I open this?

Ludwig touched one of the buttons by the door, and it shocked him. .

Ludwig: Ouch.

Ludwig pushed the correct control panel. He pushed it too hard. It screwed up and sent sparks everywhere

Ludwig: What to do in a time like this. I know! My light saber!

Ludwig pulled out a light saber, blue like his hair. He cut a hole in the wall and hopped into the incinerator, and found many burned ships.

Meanwhile, the two Magikoopas, Kamek and Kammy flew up to the ledge where the Crane Operators were. They held their wands to the Crane Operators' necks.

Kamek: Don't activate the incenerator!

Operator 1: It's too late.

Ludwig, noticed fire coming from everywhere. Even worse, Guards with blasters were jumping into the incinerator as well. Even worse, it's a Friday!!!!!

Guard #1: Hands up, Koopa!

Ludwig: I really don't have time for this.

He used the force to deflect the fire being shot into the room. Next, something even worse happened. The walls started to cave in.

Ludwig: Crap.

He grabbed a comlink.

Ludwig: Shut down all of the garbage masher things.

Kammy and Kamek, who killed the crane operators, heard Ludwig over the comlink. Kamek pushed a button that said "Shut Down Garbage Masher Thingies". The garbage masher things came to a stop, and Ludwig began to cry in joy.

Kamek: I wasn't fast enough. Sweet, he's dead!

Kammy: He's shouting in joy. Not pain.

Kamek: Damn. Now which button do I press to keep the garbage from getting dumped into space?

Operator: We don't have a button for that. Please don't kill me!

Kamek: Wait I thought we already killed you.

Operator: Oh that's right.

The operator laid back down.

Darth Bowser: I wish Ludwig would hurry the hell up!

John: These people are odd.

Guards continued to fire shots at Ludwig. The floor in the incinerator moved into a wall, causing all of the garbage and destroyed ships to be sucked into space. This included Ludwig and the Guards.

Ludwig, trying to breath, crawled into their ship, and told Darth Bowser over the comlink where he was.

Darth Bowser: My son will die because I put him in some stupid test. I wish their was a way to get to him back.

Kammy: Gee you could sound like you care more.

Weird Person: Hello! You can now get into space with my cannon!

Everyone stared at the weird person.

Weird Person: What?

Darth Bowser: Why are you shouting?

Weird Person: So everyone can hear me.

Darth Bowser: But no one is listening to you.

John: Maybe we should use the cannon to get your son back.

Darth Bowser: I was gonna say that!

Weird Person: Great? It will cost you-

Darth Bowser waved his hand.

Darth Koopa: We don't need to pay.

Weird Person: You don't need to pay.

The four hooped into the cannon. One by one, they were blasted into space. Once in space, the four held their breath and floated into the broken ship. They all put on air masks.

John: I'm not sure if I can fix this, so I'll snap my finger like Marry Poppins.

He snapped his fingers and the ship fixed itself.

Darth Bowser: Holy crap.

Darth Bowser ran over to his son who had fainted on the ships floor.

Darth Bowser: Wallet there's gotta be a wallet!

Kammy: Oh brother. Let's hope this thing still works.

Kamek: He's fainted, too bad he ain't dead.

Darth Bowser: Good the wallet is safe. Kammy, get us the hell out of here, and to wherever the hell we were going in the first place. And you, John, thanks for fixing the ship!

John: No problem. I'll go wherever you guys go! Got any food?

Kamek: We might have some in the back. That is if it didn't blow up.

Kamek took John into the back room of the ship

Kammy: We're back on course for Uranus. My Darth, I figured out how to use the communicator. I would call the castle and see if our men are all right.

Darth Bowser: Good idea.

Kammy handed him the small speaker. He then dialed in the phone number.

Storm Koopa: Hello?

Darth Bowser: This is Darth Bowser speaking!

Storm Koopa: Oh it's you sir! What's up? Where you been the past few days?

Darth Bowser: SHUT UP! What happened at the castle? Is everything okay?

Storm Koopa: Well, instead of defeating the enemy, we all became friends and drank all the beer. Plus, you're really a wanted man now. Keep your guard up man.

The Storm Koopa hung up th phone.

Darth Bowser: Hmm... dibba... WHAT?! ALL THE BEER, GONE?!

Kamek: Never mind that, my Darth. The Elite Force will never find us. Let's just get that weapon, and go destroy all who oppose us.

Darth Bowser: You're right. We must keep focus. Where's our new little friend?

Kamek: He's eating.

Darth Bowser: Very good. Just to make sure no one follows us, I think it's time to release the ultimate assault on Frackon.

Darth Bowser pulled out a small cell phone and called a secret base of clones he had hiding on Earth's moon

Darth Bowser: Proceed, with Order 69. NOW!

Kamek: Good call my Darth!

Millions of frozen troops were unfrozen by some guards in the moon base and they all got into small ships and headed for Frackon.

Kammy: I told you buying a backup army would come in handy.

The ship made it's way for Uranus.

Kammy: Look at that!

A moon was visible in the distance.

Ludwig: My calculations say that's a moon.

John: That's no moon. Thats a, wait it is a moon.

Darth Bowser: No big deal, a moon is a moon.

Kamek: Yeah stop pointing everything out people!

Darth Bowser: Oh shut up. I remember the time we went bowling, and Kamek kept telling us every time a human walked in.

Kamek: I was bored dammit!

The ship continued for Uranus

Meanwhile at Mario and Luigi's house...

Mario: Come on, more push ups!

Marshall: I can't do anymore!

A sweaty Marshall collapsed.

Luigi: It's all right, take a break.

Marshall: Man... this is... hard work.

Mario: If you can't handle this, forget the rest.

Luigi: Don't worry, we'll start the big stuff soon.

Marshall: I'm ready, for more.

Mario: I'll go get some pasta!

Mario walked back into the house and he turned on the TV real quick. The news caught his attention

Goomba Reporter: And yes indeed, this war upon, will probably most likely not end for awhile. Speaking of war, hot pursuit still continues for Darth Bowser. If anyone has any information on the whereabouts of the Sith, there will be reward money. Hell, if you find him, you'll get a million bucks. Damn did I just say hell on TV?

Mario: A million bucks?!

Mario ran outside.

Mario: LUIGI!!! Get our ship ready! We're going to find Darth Bowser!

Luigi: Calm down man. First of all, we don't own the ship anymore, the IRS took it. And second, we don't even know where he is. And besides, some Jedi's we are. We were suppose to go and confront him a few nights ago when the Elite Koopa whatever base called us, and you got drunk. You probably didn't even bring your light saber that night.

Mario: Ouch brother. Who cares, if we find him now and capture him, we'll be bigger hero's, and rich! The reward money is a million bucks for the find of him. Come on, two Jedi's like us can take him.

Luigi: Holy crap that's a butt load of money. All right Mario, go steal the neighbors star ship, and we'll train Marshall on the way.

Mario: I'll get the tracer. Let's hope Darth Bowser left that tooth in his mouth that I installed when I had job as a dentist.

Marshall, watched the two move frantically, and was excited about going into space.


End file.
